Leo in Bloom Magazine

This issue’s roar is on the topic of  “our sensory experiences in traveling, positive and negative, and moving beyond the familiar.”

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Danny:

I recently had my first panic attack on a plane, while boarding, and it was so scary! It was so unexpected, as I am generally pretty at ease on planes, as much as anyone can be on economy class. It was so scary and also mortifying. And I guess mortification is a kind of fear, too.

It was also a wake up call to me that travel will always carry that same weight as most other public experiences. That uncertainty of what days will be good and easy, and what will be tough and miserable. That apprehension of judgment and even malice. That hope for wonderful new memories, and keeping space for the possibility of disaster. It is a heavy load of gravity.

But once my panic attack subsided and I hadn’t gotten kicked off the flight, I spent the whole flight gazing out the window. Watching landscapes through clouds across the country. I soothed my raw anguish with the passing of vistas. I lost time and judgment and pain in their contemplation.

I usually spend flights and train rides in this passive viewing. It captivates me.

How about you, friend? Is travel easy for you or more fraught? What occupies your time on trips?

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Nick:

Your panic attack reminds me how difficult plane travel was for me in the beginning. One of the worst parts was, and still is, the noise in cavernous airports, ricocheting in echoes, amplified, mixed with densely harsh vocal murmurs, and in some places layered with a music feed. How can anyone sort through these disparate sounds to hear information? When waiting for a flight I needed to sit on the floor, held in a bear hug, and there were several times I had melt-downs, once so bad for a holiday flight (which had involved several delays) that I couldn’t go on board at a layover and had to take a later plane.

So far I’ve held up better in the past ten years or so, but I cope with airports by letting my body become an automaton; I retreat way inside myself and let someone else guide me through the aural and visual confusion while I perform necessary mechanical actions. Stress behaviors leak through but can be talked or soothed into submission. It’s too noisy to be mindful, although sometimes I can find in-the-moment visual joys, as you do, once I’m on the plane and in flight, watching land and cloud patterns. That is, UNTIL a slow descent, which is like prolonged death to my ears!! Admittedly other people experience this, especially babies who cry out the pain we share!

I haven’t traveled any distance by train, where the sounds are more predictable. Car travel can be grueling in length, but it’s a known. However, because I feel anxious about using the bathroom, we tend to stop at every other service plaza on the Pennsylvania Turnpike when we drive to visit family, although we often drive at night to avoid crowds inside. I do enjoy the control I feel sitting in the front seat of the car, watching scenery as it comes, like the driver, instead of zoning out from the peripheral blur that passes in the back seat.

So, my friend, once you’ve reached a destination, what do you do to transition, adjust, and accommodate to an environment away from the everyday?

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Danny:

Nick, thank you for sharing your sensory perspectives of plane travel! I actually kind of love the chaos of airports. It is so invigorating to me! But I can see how it is overwhelming.

I relish being out of routine. I think because I know travel is an exceptional time, I prepare myself mentally for the temporary suspension of normal! So it is a fun adventure into a new way of being. It also feels like a way to briefly explore how necessary my daily routines and restrictions and regimens actually are. It is a great way to shake things up!

Of course some basic preparations are needed to ensure my core needs are covered. So Tara helps me craft my packing list, including my supplements, and helps me pack as autonomously as I can. This is so empowering and reassuring, because I know I will have what I need with me. That helps immensely with adapting to my destination.

I am always so eager to get out and explore! I absolutely love new scenes, the hustle and bustle of each city, the spaciousness of the countryside, the all so bland yet cozy in betweenness of suburbs. I feel compelled to go out and absorb it all immediately. Though in reality, I usually nap first!

I need to always make sure I have enough water and snacks, and access to public bathrooms is always a bit of a challenge. That is a big challenge, actually. But we do our best to be mindful of where bathrooms are. And we learn from each trip.

How about you? How do you adapt?

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Nick:

You sound fairly confident to dive in, my friend! I’m more of a wade-in-slowly kind of guy, in need of transitional breaks to reset my nervous system by indulging in obsessive habits, such as twiddling objects or rolling back and forth, to rev down. It’s easier when I go somewhere familiar, such as my grammy’s house. At conferences I need time in the hotel room to decompress before spending time with friends and meeting new ones. I usually am too wound up to nap, except sometimes after a long flight.

In a totally new place, that doesn’t have a structured format like a conference, I start feeling more settled once I have a meal. Regardless of known or unknown companions–or language–eating is soothing and is a way to take in (quite literally!) something of a new place. Since my focus is on my food, my other senses are on peripheral mode and let information seep in, rather than bombard me. Eating a meal gives me time to wake up to my new surroundings.

I like trips that aren’t rushed. I’ve traveled far for three weddings and arrived a few days early so there was time to recover from the trip, explore my surroundings, and spend time with friends or family. For two of my brothers’ weddings, a staff person who’s become an additional, adopted “brother” came along with me and Gwen (my stepmom), and he and I went off independently to Disneyland and Universal Studios in LA and, at Lake Tahoe, enjoyed the water and stayed in a rented house with my (single) brothers and their friends, where we goofed around and even created a ghost legend for the house and pulled spooky pranks. In Querétaro, Mexico, Gwen and I stayed in the old city, which we explored at my pace for several days before joining up with my uncle, his fiancée, and our families for a lovely wedding and the Best Reception Ever. Because I had been wading in for days, I was ready to go in over my head in its carnivalesque waters: the non-stop band, dancing, stilt-walkers, ever-changing party hats, wedding games, joyful noise, and not-quite-out-of-control group euphoria . . . I could swim through the night with nervous system intact.

So, onto travel fantasies: if money, complexity of travel, and strains on ability/supports did not prohibit you in any way, are there places you would want to go and things you wish you could experience?

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Danny:

So interesting how different our travel styles are! But I can see the benefits of wading in. I also like simple trips, though it can be hard to balance with my urge to soak in as much as possible!

My fantasy trips are too many to share here. But I long for a prolonged sojourn to some urban space full of rich history and a scrumptious cuisine, with walkable spaces and trees and lively streets. Whether in Asia or Europe or the Americas or Africa or Oceania, I just crave that special energy. I would be so content to spend days ambling between museums and cafes and restaurants and parks. I hope to live in such a place one day. Though I do love the spaciousness of my current home on the rural edge of suburbia. How about you?

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Nick:

I love your irrepressible, voracious approach to experience!!! Inside I feel this type of pull, and sometimes I give into it, but my nervous system either short circuits, shifts to Mechanical Man, or becomes exhausted.

My enduring fantasy is to visit and spend time living and working with orangutans in Southeast Asia. I am fascinated by animal communication and would love to observe their communities and cultures. Gorillas and chimpanzees, too, so documentaries about and written accounts by Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey, and our fellow autie, Dawn Prince-Hughes, are my ticket to visit the worlds of our primate relatives.

Habitats of human primates (hoho) that call to me are, as with you, generally more urban and, I agree, the continent is unimportant. You are right that having a home base in travel is ideal, and I like a moseying, improvisational itinerary. Of course, as you said, when you live in a place that lends itself to constant exploration, it can be the best of both worlds: micro-travels are at your door!

So . . . your many friends in metro Philly look forward to the day you visit us for some ambling!! (Are those echoing calls of welcome I hear from around our country and the earth?)

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Danny: Come visit me and we will hang out with the orangutans in San Diego Zoo! I love them. I am eager for this Philly-San Diego exchange!