Leo in Bloom Magazine

WITHERING WINDS FILL MY EMPTY VOID OF LONGING 

YEARNING TO BE FULLY FREE WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MY BEING THAT LOCKS MY MIND INTO NATURAL FOCUS 

MUSICAL SCORES, THEIR ANALYSIS SHOWERING MY BODY WITH DEEP FEELS OF COLORED CODED CHORDS AND NOTES MASKED IN SYNESTHESIA 

MY MIND WANDERS HERE AND THERE 

NEAR AND FAR 

WISHING FOR IT TO BE IN THE FIELDS OF ROSES THAT ARE MY STILL THOUGHTS 

YET MY THOUGHTS REMAIN WANDERING, ON TO THE NEXT IN SEARCH OF STILLNESS 

THE FORTRESS OF MY MIND BUILDS WALLS OF PROTECTION BECAUSE I AM HARMED BY THOSE WHO DO NOT MOVE, BREATHE OR THINK AS I DO 

MY MIND DANCES AT EASE 

WHEN THE MUSIC COMES ON 

THE MUSIC THEORY, ITS BLESSED PURE JOY SENDING ME SHOCKWAVES OF INTENSE EUPHORIA THAT TAKES WEEKS TO COME DOWN FROM 

THE WAY IT SWIMS THROUGH MY HEAD, UNBOTHERED YET IT BOTHERS MY THOUGHTS WHICH ARE TOO JUMBLED WITH FEAR OF MAKING PEOPLE MAD, MAKING THEM HATE ME CAUSE I DIDN’T BOTHER TO ACT LIKE THEM. YET I AM FORCED TO DO SO EACH LIVING DAY. 

HAVING BEING A BLACK AUTISTIC AAC USER HAS ITS WEIGHT ON ME. IT STRANGLES MY VERY BEING OF BEING FREE IN A SOCIETY THAT BENEFITS FROM PURE WHITENESS OF THOSE WHO DO NOT LIVE THIS VELVET ALMOND SKIN. 

IF I AM TO THINK, BREATHE, LOOK WRONGLY AT THOSE WHO WEAR A LIGHT SKIN THAT ALLOWS THEM TO BE FREE FROM THE CONFINES THAT I LIVE, THEN WHAT DOES THAT SAY OF WHO I AM AS A PERSON? 

WHERE DO I FIT WITHIN THIS MINEFIELD OF CHAOS THAT CALLS ITSELF MY HOME? DO I BELONG HERE AT ALL? IF SO, THEN AM I REALLY MY TRUE SELF OR AM I SIMPLY A TOOL IN THIS TOOLSHED OF WHITENESS AND WHITEWASHING THAT IS USED AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL I AM NO LONGER USABLE? 

THIS GOES IN HAND WITH MY COMMUNICATION METHOD I PREFER TO USE. AAC IS MY HOMELAND OF WHICH MY VERY THOUGHTS CAN BE CONVEYED TO THOSE FOR WHICH MY UNRELIABLE VOCAL MOUTH WORDS WILL NOT. 

TO STOP THIS USE OF AAC BECAUSE IT DOES NOT MATCH THE TONE, PITCH AND TIMBRE OF SPEAKING PERSONS IS TO SEVERELY LIMIT MY ABILITY TO SHARE MY IDEAS, THOUGHTS, AND JOY WITH THOSE AROUND.

THIS IS WHERE MUSIC THEORY ANALYSIS GIVES MY SOUL SUCH FREEDOM THAT IS UNKNOWN TO MANY. THE VERY FEW WHO WITNESS THIS PURE JOY AND LIMITED FREEDOM ARE ONES WHO ARE TRUE TO MY HEART. I HAVE MET VERY FEW PEOPLE LIKE THIS. I WISH TO MEET MORE AS I TREK THIS ROAD OF UNCERTAINTY AND UNFAMILIARITY. 

MUSICAL SCORE ANALYSIS IS WHERE MY HEART ROAMS FREE

MY MIND IS FOREVER BONDED TO THAT LONGING SPACE OF MUSIC WHICH IS MY HOME FOREVERMORE

ABOUT KAISHAWNA

Hello there. My name is kaishawna and I’m an African American Deaf Low Vision Autistic Black woman who is 22, uses AAC, sign language and sometimes unreliable vocal speech to communicate, strongly advocates for disability rights and attends college to study to become a teacher to disabled students and also teach non disabled individuals